Fate may make our lives collide with certain people but it’s the choices we make after this happens that really counts.
A FEW weeks ago, one of my best friends, who’s of Malay-Chinese parentage got married. In general, it was a good day. Despite the fact that some cheeky kid decided to run his fingers through the icing on the wedding cake (I wonder if he got spanked), and a temporary panic when the ang pau from the Chinese tea ceremony went missing, everything was pleasant and I was extremely happy for her.
But most of all, this wedding was extra special for me because I had watched this friend of mine go through the whole process of courtship, right from the very beginning up to the matrimonial commitment she eventually embraced. We have been close friends for almost a decade and throughout those years, I have witnessed almost all of her adventures, from being single to meeting different people and falling in love. As I sat there watching the marriage ceremony, it felt as though I was watching the climax of a movie, one I was particularly fond of as it was about a girl who is a huge part of my life.
Her love story is definitely an interesting one. She is a strong and independent character. She has travelled the world and done so many interesting things in her life, never confining herself to just the simplified goals of finding a husband and settling down. She met a nice man one fine day, and a string of events over a few years brought them closer, took them apart, and eventually brought them together again after two years of separation. Now he’s her husband.
We often marvel at the fact that her life has brought her everywhere across the world and her adventures have led her to meet many suitors along the way. But in the end, she found herself “colliding” with the same man, whose path had diverged from her for two years, before they fell in place again. The fact that they met, separated and then met again, is a true story of the power of fate and it still amazes me.
WHAT HAS FATE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with the idea of fate. Sometimes I believe it, sometimes I don’t. But then stories like these make me ponder on the whole concept all over again. Based on my own experiences, I can certainly say that fate does play a role in determining who you meet and how that person will affect you emotionally.
For example, although I make life plans, none of them are as intricate as detailing who I will meet or when. Did I know I would meet this guy who just happened to be in the same meeting room one day? Of course not. Can I explain how a particular stranger just stands out from the crowd for no solid reason? I absolutely can’t. Can I make sense of why a person stays in my mind frequently and fondly even after they have long gone? I couldn’t even if I tried.
But as much as fate can be held responsible, life is also a delicate intertwine between what is meant to be and what you choose to do. Sure you didn’t plan on meeting someone and developing connections with him/her, but what happens after that is largely related to choice. Whether it’s a dissolution of love, the strengthening of a marriage or even the unfortunate spiral of a relationship, they are all due to the trail of choices we make every day. This is where things get tricky. As much as we would like to conclude that what happens in the end is just uncontrollable fate, the truth is that sometimes (or most times) it is also a result of what we choose to do with what fate has given us.
IT’S UP TO YOU
There are so many different people with so many different philosophies on how relationships work. Through my conversations with others, I find that regardless of whether you do or don’t believe in fate, there is always one common denominator that everyone agrees upon.
This common denominator is that how things turn out eventually is up to ourselves. We are responsible for charting the course of our lives. We are responsible for nurturing the relationships with people who have been gifted to us by the hand of fate. We are responsible for deciding what we want to achieve with them, and what we’re willing to do in order for things to happen.
There are many things in life which happen by chance, but the choices we make after these events can be the start of amazing opportunities. It’s about making the best of what has been given to us.
A GEOSCIENTIST BY DAY AND ASPIRING WRITER BY NIGHT, AMAL GHAZALI
PONDERS ON EVERYTHING, FROM PERPLEXING, MODERN-DAY RELATIONSHIP DILEMMAS TO THE FASCINATING WORLD OF WOMEN’S HEALTH AND WELLBEING. ALL DONE OF COURSE , WHILE HAVING A GOOD LAUGH. READ MORE OF HER STORIES AT BOOTSOVERBOOKS.COM